Imaginary friends

I never had an imaginary friend when I was younger. I usually had real flesh and blood friends. Some of them I even liked.

Actually, that is not entirely true. I shared an imaginary friend with a lot of people when I was younger, but eventually decided he was not much use, always stroking his beard and tutting at my youthful escapades. So in the fullness of time, I became an atheist and have never looked back.

So I was quite surprised last year when I suddenly developed an imaginary friend. Actually Jeff is more of an imaginary minion, which is rather different even though we are quite close. I have a feeling I may have promoted myself up the food chain in order to imagine a subordinate rather than an equal.

Jeff is incredibly useful. He does my laundry, makes most of my meals, and looks after me when I'm sick. And he makes the most amazing cocktails. He even has a custom blender in the back of my car to keep me juiced on long road trips.

The only problem is that he is getting a bit bolshy these days. He has started to demand increased vacation days, his own room instead of sharing the sofa with the cat, and now he has asked for a paycheck. Fortunately, I have a large stack of imaginary notes to pay him with.

You just can't get reliable imaginary help these days, can you?